“I’m Sorry” – One of the Hardest Things to Say.

“I’m sorry” is a difficult thing to say. Many of us struggle with this. Stephen continues his look at the Biblical definition of forgiveness and the phrase “I’m sorry.”

It is Never Easy to Say “I’m Sorry“

I’m sorry.  It’s seven letters, broken into two words, and it can be one of the hardest things we ever have to say.  Admitting we are wrong is never easy.  Often times, even when we know we have done something we shouldn’t have, we look for reasons or opportunities to share the blame.  We might say “Yes, it was wrong for me to do that, but if you, or they, hadn’t done that other thing I never would have gotten to that point.”  This, to me, seems like a natural reaction for us.  I’m sure psychology can confirm why this is, but admittedly, I have seen enough of it in my own life, and now that I have young children and sibling rivalry takes hold, I can see it played out before me almost daily.  In truth, watching my kids interact with each other often helps me to see these traits in myself.

We Don’t Like to be Wrong

We don’t like to be in the wrong.  It may be that we fear punishment, or perhaps the social impact that getting caught will have on us.  Maybe it’s the feeling of guilt, that reminder that we have caused someone offence and now in order to make things right, we owe a debt to them.  And there’s that word again, debt.  In the first session we looked at defining forgiveness as the cancellation of a debt owed.  This really should make forgiveness a highly sought after thing.  No one wants to be indebted to to someone, whether it is emotionally, practically or financially.  An if we do find ourselves needing to make amends, we typically want to do it as quickly, painlessly, and quietly as possible.

What the Bible Calls Sin

Now when we look at what the Bible calls our sin, that is our actions thoughts and words that are against God’s nature, our sin is an offence to God.  So much so, that the penalty for it is to be separated for eternity from God’s presence because of it.  It is a debt that we could never repay, based solely on the nature of the penalty.  In our last session, I talked about how God has offered us complete forgiveness, by virtue of His Son Jesus taking our penalty for us by dying on the cross.  All we have to do to be free from the debt of our sin, is accept the forgiveness offered to us by believing in Jesus, trusting in God’s way of salvation.  On the surface, this sounds like a really easy decision.  However, at the start of this segment I noted how hard it is for us to be able to admit fault.  That’s where this can become a bit trickier. 

We Need Forgiveness

In order to accept God’s forgiveness, we would need to acknowledge or agree that we have a need to be forgiven.  We need to admit that we have done wrong and therefore offended a holy and righteous God.  Now, this isn’t about being a bad person, I think we need to get away from the idea of associating our social status with our spiritual reality. 

By our social and cultural standard, many are deemed to be good people, and that’s great.  Unfortunately, God isn’t as concerned with our cultural standard for goodness as we are.  He looks at His perfect standard as God, and as far as we are concerned in that regard, well, as the saying goes, “nobody’s perfect.” 

Mark Chapter 10

Jesus addresses this in Mark’s gospel chapter 10.  A man ran up to Jesus as asked,

“Good teacher, what must I do to inherit eternal life?”  Jesus answered by saying “Why do you call me good?  No one is good except God alone.” 

Jesus answered this way for two reasons.  One to identify himself as the true Son of God, he was indicating that the man was right, he was good.  And it was because of Jesus’ goodness,  per God’s definition, that he was able to pay the penalty for our sin.  Jesus didn’t sin, therefore he did not owe anything to God.  The second thing Jesus is bringing out, is that we can’t meet God’s standard, it is simply too high for us.  And this isn’t really about fairness or unfairness, because the truth of the matter is that the ways in which we fall short of how God would have us live, are completely avoidable, we are capable of doing what is right, we just don’t do it all the time.

Difficult to Do

Now when it comes to admitting, even to God, that we have done wrong, there can be a long list of reasons we find it difficult to do.  Our pride is usually at the forefront, as we feel it may reflect our own public image, or how our peers may look at us, perhaps even how we look at ourselves.  And again, we tend to measure ourselves by our own personal and social standards, in which case, we’re not all that bad.

The book of Proverbs gives us a warning about this though.  Found in chapter 28:13

Whoever conceals his transgressions will not prosper, but he who confesses and forsakes them, will obtain mercy.

I’ll admit that I never gave this verse a lot of attention before preparing for this series.  After all, it’s a pretty straightforward “cheaters never win” expression.  Except we know that sometimes cheaters actually do win.  Because of that the context of the full proverb becomes critical.  The first part of it talks of those who conceal their transgression, those who hide their sin won’t prosper.  Again, if we look at the world of business, or politics, the entertainment industry, even high profile figures in Christianity, we know that’s not always the case.  There are so many examples of people who have lived dark lives away from the public eye and been extremely successful.  So does that mean the Bible is wrong?  Of course not.  This is another example of God speaking about spiritual prosperity and not cultural.  We know this because the rest of the verse juxtaposes this idea with the statement that those who confess and forsake their wrongdoing will obtain mercy.  When worded this way it makes mercy, which can also be understood as forgiveness, the equivalent to prosperity.

Eternal Life

So, while a person, regardless of how “good” or “bad” they are may enjoy blessings of fortune, fame or power in this life, God makes it clear to us that our wealth, possessions, status and influence are not legal tender in eternity.  When it comes to having eternal life in heaven, all that matters is whether our debt has been paid, and again, the only one who is capable of paying it for us is Jesus Christ.  As the saying goes, “you can’t take it with you.”  Everything we accumulate here on earth is already depreciating in value and one day will have absolutely zero worth to us.  That’s why the Bible can say what it does in proverbs, because it is defining prosperity as something that will have lasting value. 

Topic of Forgiveness

Now, up until this point a lot of what I have said on the topic of forgiveness has been based on the need of salvation, having the debt of our sin paid for and cancelled for us.  This is of course essential to our eternal life in heaven.  But, what about after we have accepted God’s gift of forgiveness, and still sin?  Do we start amassing a new debt that also needs to forgiven?  Will that sin forfeit the eternal life that is promised us?  These are great questions and there are a lot of different views on them.  I’ll start with the easy one, do Christians sin?  Yes, we are still plagued by all the weaknesses, temptations and failings that come with being human, we still make mistakes.  A person doesn’t need to look any further than social media to find examples of Christians who have slipped up, some in significant and horrible ways.  Does it cancel the saving forgiveness?  Listen to what the Bible says in John 3.

First in verse 16, that famous verse that says:

“For God so loved the world that He sent His only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have everlasting life.” 

Then, in verse 36 of the same chapter it says “Whoever believes in the Son has eternal life; whoever does not obey the Son shall not see life, but the wrath of God abides on Him.” 

Trust in Jesus

A couple things to notice here, both verses attach eternal life to belief in Jesus.  Verse 36, however, puts it in the present tense, as if to say if we believe in Jesus we now have eternal life, though not in heaven yet, we have already obtained it for when that time comes.  The idea of eternal, or everlasting life, is simply that, it is everlasting, something that can end or be removed would not be everlasting.  So what we can understand is that if our trust is in Christ for the forgiveness of our sins, at least when it comes to salvation, then the payment Jesus made by his sacrifice covers all of our sins, even those we will commit in the future. Now, it’s very important to know that this doesn’t give us a free pass to sin, in fact it puts more responsibility on us to avoid sin, so that we can show that we are in agreement with God’s design for how we should live. 

We Still Sin

That said, we will slip up, we will still sin.  And as believers when we do have those things that we have done wrong, and leave them unaddressed, it can cause a break in the right relationship with God that we are supposed to have.  In the first letter of John chapter 1 verse 9, John writes

“If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.”

This letter was written to Christians, reminding us that even though we have agreed with God that His ways are best, we still don’t always follow them, and need to be forgiven, not for salvation, but the cleansing or purifying of our walk with Christ.  I saw a sign in front of a church in Grassie, Ontario that said it best, “Christians aren’t perfect, they’re just forgiven.”

But again, just to remind us all, that all forgiveness first requires us to admit that we have fallen short, that we have sinned, and are therefore in need of that forgiveness.  And while that will always be difficult for us, God promises that when we do confess, we will receive forgiveness and mercy. 

In our next session I’d like to talk a little about whether or not it is possible to do something so bad that God can’t forgive us.  If so, what is the breaking point?

Do you find it difficult to say “I’m sorry”? We would love to hear from you. Comment below or contact us at HopeStreamRadio.